Trapped

Trapped in the prision of my mind.
Regrets, failures, confusions of every kind
Some reprieve, some freedom I'd like to find
While I'm here-trapped in the prison of my mind.

West Point, family, friends all
Things I failed, people I've hurt
Now I'm alone-worthless, senseless, small
No longer can feel, no longer can hurt

Why must I be so dumb-so weak
I see real men around me why can't I be like them?
I am so selfish, so lost, so useless
God, what is this-what am I all about?

Why is my mind always my enemy?
Fighting against me-during my weakest moments
Stop this throbbing pain in my heart
Even my members despise what keeps them alive

I know that life with no regrets is desired
I'm here where I should be
But here- in the midst of prayers and comunion I'm trapped
Alone forgotten-in the prison of my mind

How am I ever gonna be a man
Respected by peers, confident in self
Can ever a woman love me - a shell - no plan
So pathetic-so dumb-useless and wothless

God forgive me-for hurting You and Your Name
Family, I'm sorry for failing you again
Friends no longer will I be able to make fun of you again
-- it's over, and I can't hurt you anymore