Since June...

I've been off of all psycho-tropic medications since the beginning of July (as was my plan in the earlier post). Since then, I've never had issues with speaking in large groups (I would stutter as I struggled to find the right words to say in situations at work). I have been told by people close to my family that bi-polar disorder is a mental disorder created in order to create the demand for pharmaceuticals to make a lot of money off of their medications. I am not quite sure what to believe on the subject...I know that I was very sick for a good while, having difficulty thinking clearly and getting sleep. I also dealt with some of the deepest long-lasting depressions I have ever experienced in my life. Not quite sure what I believe about mental disorders...I know I was in need of meds for a season and there was this fear that I would regress into a deeper state if I got off of the meds too quickly, or at all.

Yet I decided that life was too short to live it in fear shackled to a prescription bottle. With my illness, God has made a few things VERY clear to me:

1. The military is a closed door - I am not meant to serve my country in that capacity.
2. I need to set boundaries on myself - I cannot keep giving until I burn out, even in His service, that is a sin.
3. I need a help-meet to help keep me in line :)

Going through the past year, I will admit I was very angry at God, not sure what His plan was in all of this. Why would he allow me to lose control of myself in the midst of my work at Verity. I am still learning more of what He has in store, each day is a new page in an exciting journey. Keep posted.